On Friday, I did a book review on the Paleo Parents Eat Like A Dinosaur cook book. I hadn't intended for it to be so difficult for me to write, but it was. It was hard revealing personal and embarrassing details of my life-- including a photo of how much I had let myself go. I don't often get too personal here on my blog, but sometimes it's okay to be real with people. I also wanted to follow up that post with a reality check. I didn't want to pass off my diet and lifestyle changes as some easy "magic pill" because it's not. I am really proud of what I had accomplished in the ten months that my husband was deployed, but that feeling has since faded. Especially now that "real life" has set in. I imagine that this is how a lot of contestants on The Biggest Loser feel. Totally pumped and losing weight left and right, but when Jillian isn't at home to motivate you, you crumble to the pressure.
I told you on Friday that my husband was not a Paleo believer, and he's not always 100% supportive of my eating habits. He and I think differently when it comes to health and fitness, and I think sometimes he gets offended when I don't always take his advice. It's just one of those things where I have to find my own way. When I told my family and friends that I was going to stop eating gluten, dairy, and sugar they thought I was crazy. "What else is there to eat?!" some of them wondered. Do vegetarians or vegans have as much trouble explaining their lifestyle and diet changes?
I started my journey when it was just the munchkin and I, and it was easy for me to lose the weight. I didn't buy junk food or snacks that would compromise my diet, and so when my husband returned, the temptation did too. I cracked. When my husband said he wanted pizza for dinner, or would bring home fast food I ate it. I felt horrible with each bite, and yet I couldn't stop stuffing my face with food that was making me feel awful. It's been an ongoing inner struggle of willpower, and I feel like I have been fighting a losing battle. I haven't totally given up on myself, though. I'll have spurts where I will be very conscious about what I eat. I constantly pin healthy recipes to my Pinterest boards or read the articles against GMOs and processed foods. And yet I can't help but feel like a fraud in my moments of weakness.
I guess that part of my "coming out" to you all is hope that I will be inspired to stay accountable for my food decisions. Since we've been in New York, I've probably regained close to half of that 60 lbs I lost back in 2011. I haven't had the courage to actually step on the scale, but my waistband has been a good judge of the weight regained. I think the worst part is that I KNOW what these foods are doing to my body, and yet somehow I seem helpless to avoid them. Why am I so weak?
Anyhow, I just wanted to be real with whoever reads this (all one or two of you) so that they can have realistic expectations if they're inspired to give Paleo a try. Sure it's easy to see a success story and think, "Man! She lost 60 lbs in less than a year! I've got to try that!" And I truly hope that maybe someone out there somewhere will be inspired by the changes I made in my life. I can't deny the doubt I have been feeling in myself lately, though. With the stress that I have been facing over our move, it has been harder and harder to say no to bread or sugar, but I am trying to provide better substitutes for the ice cream and spaghetti so that I am not as tempted.
Anybody else struggle with their diet or lifestyle changes as much as I do? Anyone have words of encouragement to share for anyone else who may stumble on this post, or some advice for those who struggle with making diet changes that aren't fully supported by their friends or family? I know that I sometimes feel alone in my quest for better health, and I often feel like a letdown when I fail to resist temptation over and over again. If you are struggling, you're not alone. I'm right there with you, fighting to regain the health and happiness that we all deserve. :)
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